When the Holidays Hurt: Navigating Grief During the Holidays
The holidays are often painted as the "most wonderful time of the year," but for those dealing with grief, it can feel anything but. Whether you're grieving a recent loss or still feeling the waves of sadness from a loss years ago, the holiday season has a way of bringing emotions to the surface. If you're navigating this season with a heavy heart, you're not alone. As someone who works with people struggling with grief and trauma, I want to share a few thoughts and tips to help you get through this time with a little more ease and compassion for yourself.
Facing the First Holiday Season After a Loss
If you’ve recently lost someone you love, the first holiday season can be particularly tough. All the traditions, gatherings, and expectations of the season may feel hollow—or even unbearable. It’s okay to feel this way. You don’t have to force yourself to participate in every holiday ritual or pretend you’re feeling festive when you’re not.
How to Handle Your First Holidays Without Them:
Let yourself feel your emotions: Whatever comes up—sadness, anger, even moments of numbness—give yourself permission to feel it. There’s no “right way” to grieve.
Do what feels manageable: Skip the big parties or family dinners if they feel too hard. It’s okay to keep things simple this year.
Talk about them: Share stories or memories if it feels healing. Some people find comfort in creating a small tribute, like lighting a candle in their honor or making their favorite recipe.
Lean on others: Whether it’s friends, family, or a support group, don’t be afraid to ask for the help and understanding you need.
Managing Long-Term Grief During the Holidays
Even if it’s been years since your loss, the holidays can still bring up unexpected waves of grief. That’s normal. Grief doesn’t have an expiration date, and the holidays have a way of shining a spotlight on who’s missing. You might feel conflicted—wanting to enjoy the season while also feeling the weight of loss.
Ways to Navigate Grief Over Time:
Redefine traditions: Some traditions may feel too painful, but others can evolve into something that feels meaningful. Maybe you start a new tradition in your loved one’s honor.
Be okay with mixed emotions: It’s possible to feel moments of joy and sadness at the same time. Both are valid, and neither takes away from the other.
Celebrate their memory: This could mean telling stories about them, making their favorite dish, or giving back to a cause they cared about. Keeping their memory alive can feel healing.
Don’t hesitate to seek help: Just because it’s been years doesn’t mean you should handle it all alone. It’s never too late to talk to a therapist or find a support group.
Taking Care of Yourself
Grief takes a lot out of you, emotionally and physically, and the extra pressure of the holidays can leave you feeling drained. That’s why self-care is so important, especially this time of year.
Small Steps to Care for Yourself:
Say no when you need to: You don’t have to attend every event or meet every expectation. Give yourself permission to do less.
Find moments of calm: Deep breathing, mindfulness, or simply stepping outside for a few quiet minutes can help ground you.
Do what feels comforting: Maybe it’s a favorite holiday movie, cozy socks, or a warm drink. Small comforts can make a big difference.
Let others help: Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to carry it all alone. Let someone else take on the cooking, shopping, or planning if you need a break.
When You Need Extra Support
The holidays can bring up emotions you might not feel ready to handle on your own, and that’s okay. Therapy can provide a safe space to process your feelings and find new ways to cope.
If you’re struggling, take a moment to visit our grief support page for more resources. Curious about the convenience of therapy from home? Learn about online therapy and how it can work for you.
You’re Not Alone
Grief is a journey, and it’s one you don’t have to walk alone. At Sara Wilper Therapy, I specialize in helping people just like you navigate the pain of grief and trauma. Together, we can create a plan to help you find healing—even during the hardest times.
Visit sarawilpertherapy.com today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward feeling more like yourself again.